I gotta run, 'cause I hear it comin', I gotta jump that train. I gotta run, 'cause I hear it comin', I gotta jump that train. I got tears in my eyes like fallin' rain, that's why I'm ridin' the blues train. - Lonesome Dave Peverett.
Good afternoon, kids, welcome to the Phile from an Amtrak train on a Saturday. The train wreck is riding a train, I am riding the Silver Meteor going from Orlando to Hollywood, Florida, and I thought while I am riding the train it would be fun to do the Phile from here. So, here we are. You know if we just threw a few billion dollars more at Amtrak this train wouldn't be going 180 mph. I was recommended not to eat sushi on here... I don't eat any kinda fish so I think I'll be okay. So, I have a question... would Casey Jones try as hard for a girl who's crying on a suitcase waiting on an Amtrak? Thank's to Obama's gun record you can now carry a gun on an Amtrak. Wow! So, let's look out the window, shall we?
I have no idea where we are. Alright, what is going on in the news?
Shit. Actor Adam West, who played Batman in the 1960s TV series, passed away in Los Angeles Friday night at the age of 88, "Variety" reports. A representative told "Variety" that West died after a short battle with leukemia. West's family posted an update announcing the actor's passing to his Facebook page this morning. The Facebook post reads, "It's with great sadness that we are sharing this news... Adam West passed away peacefully last night after a short but brave battle with leukemia. He was a beloved father, husband, grandfather, and great-grandfather. There are no words to describe how much we'll miss him. We know you'll miss him too and we want you to know how much your love and support meant to him throughout the years. Hug your loved ones today. - The West Family West is most well-known for his title role in the television series "Batman," which premiered on ABC in 1966. More recently, West had a recurring role on the animated series "Family Guy," and made an appearance on "The Big Bang Theory" in 2016 to commemorate Batman's 50th anniversary.
West is survived by his wife Marcelle, six children, five grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. "Our dad always saw himself as The Bright Knight, and aspired to make a positive impact on his fans' lives," West's family said in a statement, per "Variety." "He was and always will be our hero." RIP, Mr. West.
Okay, so, we just stopped in Kissimmee... nice. Reminds me of a joke... A man & his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town spelled K- I -S- S- I -M -M -E -E. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it.- KISS-a-me, kid-a-me, kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into somewhere to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress, "My wife & I can't figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and pronounce it very slowly so that I can understand?" The waitress looked at him and said, "Buuuurrrrggggeeeerrrr Kiiinnngggg." Hahaha. Moving on... With Donald Trump in charge, America is in the process of making peace with the fact that the world is now a cheesy action movie with unbelievable twists, directed by Michael Bay. And now, the latest development in the ever-unraveling Trump-Russia scandal features a character with a name that would be vetoed by any studio executive angling for at least a semblance of reality: Reality Winner. Reality Leigh Winner, a 25-year-old intelligence contractor and Air Force veteran, has been charged by the Justice Department with leaking an intelligence report from the National Security Agency to the news outlet The Intercept. The NSA report indicates that Russian interference with the election goes deeper than previously understood. The Intercept reports, "Russian Military Intelligence executed a cyberattack on at least one U.S. voting software supplier and sent spear-phishing emails to more than 100 local election officials just days before last November’s presidential election." Holy shit. While that news itself is huge... and scary... I can't believe the fact that this new character's name is REALITY WINNER.
Though her name is funny, let's not forget that what she took a huge risk at the expense of her freedom. But for real. Her name is Reality Winner. It must suck when she sees this on the Internet...
It wasn't her. Hey, we are moving again.
A video of a Canadian woman berating employees and customers at a local Toronto Foodymart is going viral. As racist people often are, the women in question here also seems to be a little bit dim. "It is the law to know English," she yells. She stands firm on her point, "It is the law in Canada that you have to know English." Wrong. If anything, Canadian citizens are encouraged to know more than one language, as the official languages of the country are French and English. Isn't that something such a "proud" Canadian citizen should know? Despite totally inaccuracy, the woman forged on with her racist complaints. "None of those people speak English," she said. (Again, untrue.) Frank Hong, who shot the video and shared it on Facebook, told the "Daily Mail" that the as-yet-unidentified woman seemed like she was hoping to get outraged. "The lady went up to the counter and asked if anyone knew how to speak English. She didn't even ask for food at the beginning. I think she was looking for trouble," he said. "The lady went on a racist tirade screaming about how they needed to know English and screamed 'Go back to China' at least a dozen times," Hong said. "As a Chinese-Canadian, I am deeply appalled and offended by this and I hope that you can show this to the world so we can raise awareness for such racism."With over 1.2 million views, it's clear that this video has resonance. Thankfully, most of the post's commenters are expressing solidarity with Hong. "What a disgusting woman. This is earth and the land belongs to everyone. So ashamed of her behavior," wrote Pauline Delapenha. "I was so embarrassed watching this woman. She is so out of touch with Canadian laws," agreed Gail Elsinger. And in a sad-but-true sentiment, commenter Tobi Vann wrote, "She must be from America! Keep her ignorant racist ass, we'll keep Justin Bieber!"
This latest news from the Trump clan could be the most shocking yet... Ivanka Trump, heir to the Trump throne, appeared in public wearing an outfit even us commoners can afford. This is NOT fake news: the first daughter and known bajillionaire was recently seen walking around D.C. in a $35 dress from Target, the "New York Post" reports. Let me reiterate... Ivanka Trump shops at Target. Is nothing sacred????? The black, knee-length dress with a ruffled bottom and "calla lily applique," whatever that means, is from Victoria Beckham's line for Target. And it's since been marked down to $17.50... a price that even you and I could afford. I have so many questions... is Ivanka okay? Is she making a statement? Is this a cry for help? Is daddy not paying her enough? This article in "Business Insider" suggests that Ivanka is intentionally "dressing down" in a move to "distance herself" from her stepmother Melania Trump, who made headlines recently when she appeared wearing a Dolce & Gabbana jacket that cost $51,500 dollars, which is more than many of us earn in a year. Eric Schiffer, the CEO of Reputation Management Consultants, told "Business Insider" he thinks Ivanka's Target dress was intentional. "The dress picture says 'I don't necessarily want to be associated or aligned with the Trump administration,'" he told "Business Insider." "It shows that she is doing things that are asynchronistic, or not connected to Trump's actions." Ivanka has been known to wear some "tone-deaf" outfits herself, like when she posed in a $5,000 gown the day after her dad signed his first controversial executive order to ban Muslims from entering the country. So yeah, it's a little hard to believe that all-of-a-sudden she's just casually shopping for deals at Target like it's NBD. I have a much bigger concerns. Like potentially running into a member of the Trump family while shopping at my happy place, Target.
On Tuesday night, Fox News man Sean Hannity hosted his buddy Eric Trump. And Donald Trump's third child came out swinging at critics. Here were the first words out of his mouth, "I've never seen hatred like this and to me they're not even people." Many, many have criticized Donald Trump and his family. They were completely shocked to learn they weren't, in fact, people. In case you're out of the Trump-loop, or you're not a person so you didn't read the Internet on Monday, a "Forbes" report recently exposed how some of the money from Eric Trump's charity golf event over the years has ended up back in Donald Trump's businesses. It's also worth noting the rest of the interview with Hannity, in which Eric Trump called Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez a "total whackjob" and then complimented Sean Hannity for not being "a child when it comes to calling people names." If you're not a person, right now you might consider noting Eric Trump's initials: E.T. Know who wasn't a person?
So, riding this train I hope it don't end up being in an article like this...
It's nice they are selling children's books here though...
Ha! Hey, speaking of books Hillary Clinton has a new one coming out...
Two books with the word "fuck" in them. So, I usually just wear shorts and a t-shirt but if this was the 70s I would be wearing this...
Even the logo for this company isn't impressed with the clothes. I love geeks that protest with sings like this...
Even Tina was able to take some time out from looking at Jimmy Jr.'s butt to make a statement about Trump. This Amtrak brochure by the way is both outdated and funny...
I didn't know mooning a train was a thing... I hope this happens on this trip...
Wow. We just stopped in Winter Haven... and it's raining. Let's look out the window, shall we?
Did you watch the Comey hearing? If you didn't here's a screen shot..
And now from the home office in Port Jefferson, here is...
Top Phive Ways To Sound Like A Train In Different Languages
5. English: Choo Choo.
4. Swedish: Tuff Tuff.
3. Thai: Pun Pun.
2. Italian: Ciuf Ciuf.
And the number one way to sound like a train in a different language is...
1. Korean: Chik Chik Pok Pok.
September 19th, 1928 — June 10th, 2017
Quick, Robin! To the Bat Grave!
Ha! If you spot the Mindphuck let me know.
President Donald Trump somehow resisted clapping back against former FBI head James Comey during his Senate testimony on Thursday. On the advice of his lawyer, according to the "New York Times," he managed not to tweet any knee-jerk reactions that might further incriminate him. This dedicated restraint lasted until Friday morning. The "Hours Without A Trump Tweet" clock ticked all the way up to 17. Bravo! That the commander-in-tweets was missing from the Twitter event of the century particularly shocked bystanders after Robert Costa reported that he wouldn't "put down Twitter." He did, but he picked it up again early Friday morning. "Despite so many false statement and lies, total and complete vindication," wrote the president. "...and WOW, Comey is a leaker!" Trump's first fragment likely refers to the fact that Comey, repeatedly, called Trump a liar. From CNN, "Comey told lawmakers during his testimony that Trump wasn't telling the truth when he characterized the FBI workforce as deeply dissatisfied with the former director's leadership. 'Those were lies. Plain and simple,' Comey told the Senate intelligence committee. Not what most would call "total vindication," but the president reportedly sees victory in the confirmation from Comey that the FBI investigation revolved around former national security adviser, Michael Flynn, and not Trump himself. Later, the former FBI director explained why he wrote detailed memos after each interaction with Donald Trump. "I was honestly concerned he might lie about the nature of our meeting," said Comey. So much vindication. The president's conversations with Comey still might result in obstruction of justices charges. Welcome back, Mr. President. Twitter missed you.
The 61st book to be pheatured in the Phile's book club is...
Author and Phile Alum Jim Korkis will be a guest on the Phile in a few weeks...
A backpack is a sack that children use to carry their books tot school, and adults use to carry their childhood to work.
Okay, today's guest is a stand up comedian from Boston who I'm sure if you go to Boston you can see him perform. Please welcome to the Phile... Mike O'Brien.
Me: Mike, welcome to the Phile, my friend. How are you?
Mike: I am wonderful as always it's raining and crappy in Boston, but it's warmer so that's good.
Me: So, should I call you Michael or Mike? Mike, I put Michael on Facebook because there is already a Mike O'Brien comedian.
Me: With the name O'Brien and being a stand up comedian, has anybody ever asked you if you are related to Conan. I'll ask you... are you related to Conan? He's from Boston after all.
Mike: When I did the Disney program at parties people would ask me all the time. I would tell people that I knew I would never meet again he was my cousin and I would be in the masturbating bear costume sometimes.
Me: Haha! So, the Phile is coming from Amtrak... have you ever been on an Amtrak train?
Mike: Ya, I have a couple times.
Me: We are slowing down. Let's look out the window...
Me: Pretty. Being from Boston I am guessing you ride the train quite a bit, am I right?
Mike: The Subway, the subway system in Boston is the first in America and 4th in the world.
Me: I am sure you have some crazy train experiences, am I right?
Mike: Ahhh not really, just run of the mill homeless people singing or people yelling at each other. Nothing that really stands out.
Me: This train is going to Hollywood... Florida, not Hollywood, California. Ever been to either one?
Mike: I lived in L.A. last winter and I have been to the Hard Rock Casino in Florida many many times.
Me: So, I believe we worked together at Epcot many, many years ago... at Innoventions, right?
Mike: Ya, it was a lot of fun, I didn't get paid much but I'm still close with my buddy Kevin.
Me: I have a pic of you when you we a Disney Cast Member...
Me: When was this, Mike, and what did you do there?
Mike: I loved Toon Tag I would just make fun of the kids all the time. I was the best Toon Tag narrator in the history of Toon Tag.
Me: No, I was. Ha! So, did you have some fond memories of working there?
Mike: Ya, I'm still close friends with a bunch of people from there and I ended up living in Orlando for like 4 years after that and worked in sports talk radio.
Me: What do you remember about me? Probably not much. Hahaha.
Mike: No, I always remember you, your dad was the lead singer of Foghat... I remember as you were a funny guy.
Me: Thanks. I have interviewed a few people from Disney who I worked with... Jeff Trelewicz, who is a regular on the Phile and Jeremy Croston are two I think you might've worked with. Who do you remember?
Mike: My buddy Kevin Campbell I'm still close with, I follow a bunch on Facebook too, T.J. Wentz and Jon Horn, my Brazilian friends as well.
Me: So, you're from Boston... do you still live there?
Mike: Yup, I am a duck boat tour guide in the city I've been doing it for 4 years now.
Me: I take it you're a Patriots fan. I am a Giants fan and all I can say is... remember when the Patriots won every game of the season except when they lost to the Giants at the SUPER BOWl?! Hahahahaha.
Mike: Ya, I didn't talk for 4 days after that game. But the Patriots are the greatest football team in the history of football.
Me: Bullshit. Is football your favorite sport, Mike?
Mike: Ya, that and baseball, I don't follow baseball as closely anymore though.
Me: Looking at you I would think you're pretty athletic. I am not, but are you?
Mike: Hahaha not really, I'm not not athletic but I wouldn't call me athletic.
Me: Alright, so, how long have you been a stand up comedian, Mike?
Mike: Coming up on 7 years.
Me: I did stand up a few times back in the 90s and kinda wish I kept it going. Instead I have this little blog. Have you always wanted to be a stand up comedian?
Mike: Ya, my whole life I've wanted to do it, watching "Eddie Murphy Raw" I'd just recite it word for word.
Me: I watched quite a few of the videos of you performing and you're really funny. You talk about your personal life quite a bit, Mike. Is that easy for you to do?
Mike: Ya, it's my life, it's really easy to talk about it, I can't make stuff up. I may embellish but I would never make something up.
Me: Is it easy to memorize what you are gonna talk about?
Mike: I don't really write stuff out word for word, I kind of bullet point it. And it just kind of comes out right sometimes.
Me: That's one problem I had, is memorizing my act, so a lot of it I winged it. Do you do a lot of winging it?
Mike: Ahhh, well, I'll wing it on a topic I have a couple good jokes about. Nobody "wings it" maybe at an open mic.
Me: One of the videos I saw of you on YouTube you talk about getting hit in the face by your girlfriend, or someone you dated. Did this really happen?
Mike: Haha, ya, that really happened.
Me: And what's this you made out outside Whitey Bulger's house? How did you know that was his place?
Mike: When I lived in L.A. I went on a couple dates with a girl who lived in Santa Monica. That's where he got arrested. She lived like 2 blocks away. I didn't really make out with her in front of his house. That's something I embellished.
Me: So, I have to ask, who are your favorite comedians, Mike? Mine are Bill Burr and Pete Holmes currently. Old school Steven Wright is one of my favorites.
Mike: Those are three of my favorites, Louie C.K., Tom Papa... I just like a bunch.
Me: Is stand up a thing you wanna make a career out of?
Mike: That would be my goal but there are a lot of funny people out there. It's tough to make a living doing it.
Me: You perform around Boston, but have you ever performed outside of Mass?
Mike: Ya, I've done it in L.A., NYC, Florida. Some clubs some bar shows, some open mics.
Me: Have you ever got heckled?
Mike: Ehhh, not really at least nothing I would consider heckling.
Me: When you first got heckled what did you think?
Mike: You just kind of react and hope the person just shuts up.
Me: Do you see a lot of women in the audience? I always feel women go to comedy shows with their dates, not alone, right?
Mike: Ya, they are mostly on dates, but sometimes they are with their friends. Every show is different.
Me: The rule is never sit in the front row of a comedy show. Do you find that true?
Mike: Haha, no, it's awkward when the front row is empty, I never really talk to people in the crowd that much to tell you the truth. Unless they say something.
Me: If any of my readers want advice about being a stand up, what would you tell them?
Mike: Just do it, go to open mics and just do it. You will never know unless you do it.
Me: Okay, so, I saw this video of you doing stand up and you're wearing an "I Heart Taylor Swift" t-shirt. Here's a screen shot...
Me: That's funny, and you talk about her in your routine. So, did you really go to a Taylor Swift concert?
Mike: I've seen her 3 times! I love Taylor Swift... when I saw that t-shirt at the concert I almost lost my mind. I wore that shirt the other day. I wear it all the time.
Me: Alright, so, do you have a website or anything you like to plug?
Mike: Haha, no website, just tell people to go to live comedy shows.
Me: Thanks so much for being on the Phile. Don't give up the comedy like I did. You have talent, my friend.
Mike: Thanks! You were always funny I'm sure you have some crazy stories you should try it again.
Me: Perhaps. Hey, we stopped again. Let's take one last look out the window... we are now in Sebring.
Me: Thanks, Mike, take care.
There. That about does it for this entry of the Phile... I feel so nauseous, ad I didn't eat sushi. Ha! Thanks to my guest Mike and Linda from Amtrak. The Phile will be back on Monday from a train again with Phile Alum musician Martin Belmont. Spread the word, not the turd. Don't let snakes and alligators bite you. Bye, love you, bye. So glad I didn't derail.
Not if it pleases me. No, you can't stop me, not if it pleases me. - Graham Parker